


Epitaph

by ateventide



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-15 17:42:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ateventide/pseuds/ateventide
Summary: She didn’t remember anything at all





	1. Pangs

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any franchises or characters. 
> 
> It's been a long time since I wrote and GW ff but it was the first franchise I wrote any fanfic for! Bear with me!

 

* * *

 

She didn’t remember dying.

With an vague sense of apprehension, she wondered if the distant and solemn whispers saying she had in fact died were meant to comfort her. At the same time, she could hear the angry voices drifting in and out to her and for a moment she wondering if she was going to experience it again; death.  

 

_Cries of fear and grief_

 

She didn’t remember dying

 

_Taste of blood in her mouth_

 

She didn’t remember dying

 

_The crushing weight of hurt_

 

She didn’t remember dying

 

_Darkness and oblivion_

 

She didn’t remember anything at all.


	2. This Years Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about re-arranging some chapters but I decided to keep it in the original way I wrote it. Hopefully it wont be confusing.  
> Basically:  
> 1\. Pangs: Prolouge/Past  
> 2\. This Year's Girl: Present  
> 3\. Past  
> 4\. Past  
> 5\. Present
> 
> Some OOCness may apply. Grammer mistakes abound.

“You’re going to Mars.”

Pausing to throw her long ponytail over her shoulder; she looked up. She didn't really need too. She knew who would be there- standing in the doorway. It would be the two of them. It was always them. Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell. They seemed to always travel together. It was probably easier- they were work partners she had been told but someone had mentioned they were partners in more ways than one. In a way, it made sense. They flowed. Polar opposites on the surface but she could see the hints; a symmetry that would make anyone jealous.

Intellectually, she had been told she had met the young men known as Gundam Pilots in her youth. Not that she wasn’t still incredibly young. How much could a lifetime hold in just 20 short years? Not that she could recall any of it. Apparently, she had met them as the cusp of a war. At 15. Hard to believe that her entire life wasn’t a lie. She swore up and down- everyone had to be lying. Seriously, it was just too unbelievable. Straight out of science fiction. Even after all the reading and videos, she still half believed this was all a giant joke. A long lost princess and then a Vice Foreign Minister? But how could she really argue? 

When she woke the world had been different but then again apparently so was she. At least that was what she had been told. All she could go on was things she had been told. It wasn’t as if she remembered. Wasn’t that the root of it all?  The cause of all the whispers and looks. She didn't remember the attack. She didn’t remember the things they said she believed in.  She didn't remember the things they said she did. She didn't remember any of it. She didn’t remember what she was supposed to be doing. Or who she was supposed to be. People she encountered just kept repeating her name like a mantra as if that was going to make her magically fix her. She could see the increasing distress that crinkled around peoples eyes and smiles as time went on. It was one thing to wake up not remembering your past but another when everyone around you kept walking on eggshells. Treating you as if you were a ghost of someone the world loved. A shell of someone better and brighter.

When her proclaimed brother came swooping in from Mars- with long platinum hair and lighter blue eyes- she was skeptical at first. They didn’t really look alike. Though he produced pictures,video and even a DNA test proving such. He was the only one who claimed her so who was she to argue? He certainly acted like a brother- well she assumed he did. 

He moved her to a military hospital. Away from the lingering stares, mutters and weird glances. No more random photographers and camera crews who had to be tackled and be taken away by security. It was a slight relief- she didn’t have to pretend as much. Doctors and nurses were brisk and efficient. No coddling and pitiful stares.

“Relena”

Jerking out of her thoughts her eyes fell on the pair still lingering in the door. She almost considered rolling her eyes at Heero's constant use of monosyllabic words. They didn't make any move to come in. As if testing their presence. Her mind drifted back to the day Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell showed up randomly one day at her hospital room; months after she woke up. They had the most peculiar look when she asked who they were. Something she couldn’t place. Apparently they were bodyguards? She didn’t know why she needed bodyguards in a military hospital. Zechs made constant daily rounds as it is. They stayed the whole day, the next day and every day since.

Today, Duo was silent for once. In the short time spent with him; she had never encountered it. Every day he showed up, he would call her gorgeous and tried to talk with her. But it always fell short. School, wars, space, colonies- it was all lost on her.  She couldn’t connect to the things he talked about. Nothing fell into place and nothing clicked. When Duo spoke, he gestured animatedly and she wondered idly, if that was the kind of face that could have broken a heart like hers. At least before. His violet blue eyes would always be looking into hers when she did look at him. Maybe they had been friends or maybe they had been more. She really didn’t know. To be honest, she didn’t care.

Heero would just hang around in the back. Never seeming to pay attention but always aware. He was probably the most exhausting of all. While Duo may have been ridiculously hopeful- Heero was suffocating. Everything she did, his gaze was on her -cataloging it.  As if one day, she’d turn around and say whatever he was hoping for or disappear entirely.  

She nodded politely when people talked about anything remotely related to peace.  She gave small smiles when being regaled about being a princess or an inspiration to millions. It didn’t mean anything to her. They were just words. At least to her. Just getting through one moment to the next was mentally and physically exhausting. It became clear early on, she wasn’t saying the things they wanted her too. She didn’t act the way they expected her too. She even didn’t feel the things they wanted her too. _Nothing felt right. Nothing felt wrong._ She supposed that was everyone’s issue. She didn’t feel anything at all. Words didn’t connect to feelings and she was just so empty inside. Even when Zechs revealed that he was her only living relative left. That both her adoptive parents had passed away along with her most loyal caretaker at some point in her past.  She didn't even bat an eye. She should have felt sad or alone but she didn't. Days were just a haze passing by. A never ending fog that surrounded her. She was standing still while the world kept moving. 

“My brother spent long enough away from his wife and the twins.”Holding up a light pink sweater she contemplated about packing it. “As far as I know they’re the only family I have left. No reason not to go” If she had been paying attention- she would have noticed Heero wince ever so slightly when she tossed the sweater aside in favor for a more neutral one.

“My brother asked me to go.” She paused for a moment before zipping up her small duffel. Slinging it over her shoulder, she gave them what she hoped looked like a sincere smile. Brushing past them, purposefully angling out of their hands trying to catch her.  “...And no one asked me to stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...So it goes! Hope you stay till the end!


	3. Mercy on Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Pangs: Prolouge/Past  
> 2\. This Year's Girl: Present  
> 3\. Mercy on Me: Snapshot into the Past  
> 4\. Past  
> 5\. Present
> 
> Some OOCness may apply. Grammer mistakes abound.

 

* * *

Duo watched as Relena sat in the small hospital chapel. Her eyes closed, hands folded in her lap. A wheelchair nearby. Sometimes she would sit for hours; always with her eyes closed. He wondered if she prayed, it was a chapel after all. He had never really believed in prayers even at the orphanage but more and more he caught himself- asking anyone out there in in the universe to listen to his. He just wanted her back so much that it physically ached.

Some days, the sun would filter in an hit her honey blonde hair just right and he could swear she looked ethereal. Whenever he was with her, he tried to tell stories of their time spent together; old and recent hoping it trigger something familiar. Something, anything that meant the person he knew was still in there. Relena would tilt her head at points in the conversation but never really contributing. Eventually, he started to started to talk of random things- the weather, flowers in courtyard or why the sky was blue. She didn’t object to the change in subject. She barely said anything at all anymore.

When the day he had chosen for his birthday rolled around, he asked her to tell him something real.

She didn’t speak for a long time. In fact, she didn’t even acknowledge his question. For awhile he thought she would just ignore him. Maybe it has been a foolish idea to think that telling her it was his birthday would make a difference. After all, he was just a bodyguard to her.

“.....I think I died. I was done…...” Her voice was raspy and cracked as she spoke “......and I was happy. And now, I’m here.”

Instantly, he moved until he was in front of her. Cupping his hands around her pale face. Her eyes were distant and empty. Everyday, she broke his heart just a little. With her glassy eyes and polite smiles. Hell, he’d even take heartbroken Relena over this. This Relena was just a shadow of what he remembered. Even at her worst, Relena never made him feel so far away. Now, it was the normal. Her smiles never reached her eyes and she never laughed anymore.

Letting out a breath, he pressed his forehead against her, trying to will her to remember. He wanted her so badly to remember. They had never been close in their younger days but then circumstance had brought them together. Long days and even longer nights were spent in each others company. Months passed and any distance between them had finally closed. The comebacks and inside jokes after her meetings. The conversations and laughter they had shared in the early mornings. The sideway glances and whispers in the dark. Day by day chipped away at his heart. 

She never lost her conviction- even after Heero had left.  She had so much faith in the world; in people. In him. She had been so strong, so confident in his ability to keep her safe. That he would be able protect her from all things that kept coming at her. And boy did they come. It was as if every minute she breathed was a good enough reason for someone to want her not too. He should have known better. Nothing that bright and wonderful could survive in this world for long.

The more time he spent in her company, he thought he saw a piece of what Heero did. It was hard to stand in the presence of absolute acceptance and love without wanting more. To touch happiness, to bathe in it and not be turned away. No matter how he lashed out, she would be there. Nothing was so terrible, so bad, so extreme that she would turn him away. To know that someone cared for you with all their heart and soul. An unwavering faith. Someone who would never betray you. A light in the dark. No, he had never stood a chance. Deep down, maybe he just wanted a chance to stand in the sun. It was ironic in a way. There had been a time when he thought she was annoying, wishing she would take a hint and be less clingy and less vocal. Now he'd give anything for it. 

Gently she pulled away, as she noticed a nurse coming to fetch her for physical therapy. She tried to give him a smile as he stood watching her get wheeled away.

She didn’t look back.

At the orphanage, Sister Helen had taught him that there was a prayer, to give strength to people faced with consequences they cannot accept. Because so many people rage against the hand that life has dealt them. And so many more give into despair. Duo thought maybe someone had heard his prayer.

It was just that the answer had been no.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left some things vague on purpose. The part at the end about the prayer was edited from an old Desperate Housewives episode.


	4. Wake Me Up

1\. Pangs: Prolouge/Past  
2\. This Year's Girl: Present (Relena)  
3\. Mercy on Me: Snapshot into the Past(Duo)  
4. Wake Me Up: Snapshot into the Past (Heero)  
5\. Present

Some OOCness may apply. Grammer mistakes abound.

 

And so it goes! Almost done!

* * *

In many ways, she was a fairytale come true. A simple girl turned real life princess from a country lost in time. Despite personal tragedies; she persevered to becoming the youngest foreign minister in history. Preaching peace and unity across the stars. A hope to millions. When she spoke, it was full of passion and you couldn’t help but believe. And he believed. He believed in the better place she always strived for. It’s why he chose to protect her.

Her eyes were bright like flowers in a summer rain and deep like stars on the ocean. He could always look into her eyes and marvel. Marvel that something so warm and light would want him in her life. She like gravity. Inevitable and inescapable. Someone he could fall into never ending. So when she greeted him each day as he lingered in her doorway; it hurt.

Her eyes were wide and deep as he remembered.

Completely devoid of recognition.

It shouldn’t have surprised him. He was a soldier. He knew men and women who died from less.  Her injuries which had been extensive and then her subsequent extended coma. He had seen her medical files, countless surgeries and even less hope with each one. She had been so close to death that sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if she had drifted across that line. Some days she looked right through him. As if she didn’t see him at all. Like she had caught a glimpse of something he couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Maybe she had. 

He didn’t think he’d ever be ready to let her go. Not for real. For her to wake up was a miracle in itself. It had been over a year; after all. His mind would often drift back to the day she had smiled at him as he broke her heart. To be honest, it was his greatest shame. He shouldn't have left. He had left her alone and she had almost died. In the long days during her coma, he had breathed revenge and fury in her name. But vengeance wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. Because vengeance would never get back what he had lost.

So when she woke up, he should have known better. He was the perfect soldier after all. But it still hurt.

“Are you okay?”

She paused- giving him a superficial smile. “Fine”

“The truth”

For a moment, she just stared at him. Her blue eyes looking into his. At that moment, he wished with all his being he would see the love and devotion that use to be reflected in them whenever she looked at him. Even after he had left; he knew she would never stop looking at him that way. It was selfish but he kept that close to his heart. She would never ask anything of him.  She was the one person in the world who he had always known would always forgive him. No matter the transgression, no matter what sin he committed. Her heart would always forgive him. He knew her capacity to love was astounding but she had a special spot for murderers like him. So to say that having Relena Darlian Peacecraft look at him with the eyes of stranger cut him deeper more than any knife or gunshot.

He had been staring so intently into her distant eyes, he only caught the end of her sentence.

“.....none of it matters to me.”

* * *

 


	5. So It Goes..

 Yay for endings. 

1\. Pangs: Prolouge/Past  
2\. This Year's Girl: Present (Relena)  
3\. Mercy on Me: Snapshot into the Past(Duo)  
4. Wake Me Up: Snapshot into the Past (Heero)  
5\. So it goes: Concurrent Present

Some OOCness may apply. Grammer mistakes abound.

 

* * *

“I know you didn’t come to take care of me. You came to bury me.” Relena’s said softly. She raised her blue eyes to his. “I’m not supposed to be here”

The words stopped the revered Zechs Marquise otherwise known as Milliardo Peacecraft in his tracks the moment she said them. Her words hung in the air when he didn’t deny them.

She looked up at him with big blue eyes. They reminded him of when they were little and she would look at him with her such wonder and adoration. Now all he saw was emptiness. Some days he would catch her in her hospital room looking off into space. As if she could see something no one else could. She never talked about it but Zechs he speculated. He didn’t care much for religion or theology but the way she looked through him sometimes made him wonder.

Zechs tucked a long piece of hair behind her ear. It had gotten so much longer than he remembered. Her hair seemed lighter than he remembered and with pulled back she looked more like him. He rested his chin on top of her head. She was pliant in his arms.

“Mars is growing everyday. It’s fragile and new but it’s home, if you want it to be.”

A question.

Would she go?

Should she go?

Was there anything tying her to Earth anymore?

She wished she could say that there was something more for her. Something she was waiting for. Relena knew that so many people had high hopes that she would snap back into who she used to be. Or at least, some semblance they could work with. But she didn’t meet any expectations. No, instead she was with indifferent. She was at best apathetic towards everyone she met. Many found her off putting now. Relena could hear the whispers behind her back.

In a way there were right- some days she wished she had stayed dead too.

Zechs never pushed her. He was around all the time but he didn’t smother her. He told her he didn’t have the right. He told her about their family. Their kingdom, their parents and how he left her time and time again. She guessed he assumed this would cause her to push him away more. Treat him even worse. But she didn’t. Truthfully, that would have been more taxing on her already exhausting days. Zechs was selfish in a lot of ways but he was determined. He had told her he didn’t know much of her personal matters when he was on Mars. He had heard rumors and even hints from herself. To him, she had seemed happy enough back then. But now? Any strings she had in the past were now severed. All she had was this life now. And she was tired. Tired of the looks from the two pilots that seemed to follow her around. Their love couldn't reach her- not anymore. She was tired of pretending. Tired of who she used to be. She just wanted to be able to breathe. 

Her brother had told her if she went with him, that his wife Noin would be ecstatic- apparently she had always loved her. His twins would immediately claim her as their new favorite person. It seemed like a good life. More than most people got. From what she understood, the world had moved onto a tentative peace without her. It was fragile and a bit frightening at times but it was there. 

If there was one conclusion Relena had come too since she woke up, it was this:  

She had tried carrying the weight of the world and failed.

Whomever, she had been before- she had given enough.

And it was enough.

She had enough.

Slowly, her thin arms hugged him back.

“....sounds like home.”

* * *

And so it goes! 

**Author's Note:**

> woo~


End file.
